Only we don’t live in the caves anymore, and the only tigers most of us will see are those in the zoo. That doesn’t stop the panic though. 

In high school I began experiencing panic attacks frequently, to the point where I missed almost an entire semester because of them. There wasn’t a direct cause or trigger as far as I can recall, likely the result of teachers who couldn’t teach and an administration who drilled into us that every grade we got would affect our entire life.

My bedroom window looked out over the high school, and each morning when I woke up I would see the school buses arriving. Eventually one of my parents would ask me if I thought I could go in that day, and almost without fail I would shut down, freeze, and mutter, “I can’t.”

Eventually with the help of a new school, therapists, family, and the best dog ever, things got better for me.

But for a long time, my anxiety was something I didn’t talk about, something I was still ashamed of. It wasn’t rational, but irrationality never stopped the panic attacks, so why should it stop the shame?

Recently I’ve managed to start opening up to friends about what I went through, and in sharing my past struggles I’ve found an internal peace which eluded me for so long.

These photographs are another part of that. I’ve never felt able to describe what my panic attacks feel like using words, so this is me describing them with images.

These photographs are the story of my personal journey. While they are unique to me, I hope that others can see them as more universal. 

Our society often makes it feel that struggles with mental health should be kept private and hidden, that we must present the facade of perfect happiness even when we are feeling anything but. Mental illness can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to be.

I’ve found that sharing my story has helped me immensely, and the support I’ve found after sharing even more so. In this day and age where practically everyone is anxious, I hope that some of you who have had similar experiences can relate to these images. Perhaps they will even prove useful as a point to begin sharing your own stories. 

Our struggles are not a burden that must be carried alone. I’ve found a step towards peace in sharing my story, perhaps you can too.